The media frenzy regarding affairs and marital difficulties is on the rise. Affairs represent the most significant threat to marriages and families today. 17% of all divorces happen due to infidelity. 60% of married men will have an affair and 40% of married women.
What causes people to have an affair when they love their spouse? There are many reasons. Some feel it is against human nature to be monogamous. Some feel it is related to brain chemistry or sexual addiction. Some blame a weak moment or a bad decision. Whatever the reason, it usually stems from not feeling satisfied in your current relationship. If you feel you are heading towards this, couples counseling or marriage counseling can help identify what is causing you to go down this unhealthy path. Much like we need to go to the doctor if we are feeling sick or unhealthy with our bodies, ailing relationships and couples require the same care and treatment.
In my many years of working with couples who come for couples or marriage counseling, I have found some major trends as to what can cause a healthy relationship to take a turn.
Conflict and Communication:Having too much conflict, or not enough is indicative of communication problems. If you are constantly fighting or if one or both partners are so passive that they are not communicating their honest feelings and thoughts, that can cause a huge strain on the relationship. I look to work with clients to create a balance of constructive conflict to help open lines of communication and resolve issues before they become too out of hand.
Closeness: Closeness is another important aspect of a healthy relationship and again it is a balancing act. Partners should be able to be independent with their own interests while also enjoying an intimate connection only they share. When closeness is not apparent, partners can drift and it can be easy to become attracted to someone else who on the surface seems to be what they are missing from their current relationship.
Excitement and Pleasure:It is common to hear that long term relationships are "boring" that the initial spark is gone and it feels routine and humdrum. Keeping excitement and pleasure in your marriage requires creativity and fun. These are two critical areas as this lack of passion can lead to one or both partners looking outside the relationship to fulfill it.
It is very easy to take a long term relationship for granted. But in reality maintaining a healthy relationship requires a lot of work. Whatever shape your relationship or marriage is in it is always a good idea to see if it can be worked on. I work with clients to offer an unbiased and objective look at your relationship and create plans and goals tailored to your needs and issues. For more information regarding couples counseling or marriage counseling, please visit www.mindbuild.net to get started. Mindbuilders offers e-counseling servicing couples locally and nationally.